TO: GOD FROM: THE DOG

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?  

Dear God:  When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God:  Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the  colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often  do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so  ha rd to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the ' Chrysler Beagle'? 

Dear God:  If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he  still a bad dog?

Dear God:  We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles,  horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and  Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand? 

Dear God:  More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I  have to apologize?

Dear God:  Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a  good dog.

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.  

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just  because I like the way they smell. 

3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 

6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. 

7.  Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.

8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm  under the coffee table .

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my hair before entering the house - not after.

10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch. 

12. The ca t is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that  noise, it's usually not a good thing.